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The Power of Feminine Grace
By Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,

I am a woman who has been around the block at least once, and I just have to tell you that I think your advice is very accurate and honest. I am 38, divorced, have children (with whom I have a very open rapport about everything from sex to politics), and I have the most incredible relationship with the most wonderful man on this earth! It is actually he who introduced me to your column, and he still reads it to me every week.

Doc, one of the most amazing things about my sweetheart is that all the things that you promote and teach men seem to come very naturally to him. He has been mysterious, a Challenge (it was definitely me that did all the pursuing), and I cannot think of a man that has been more intriguing to me. He is extremely romantic, loving and committed all at the same time.

You know the funny thing is that when Randy first read me your column, the modern, slightly defensive side of me said, "Horsefeathers!" But ironically, on closer examination of your response, when he and I discussed it and I actually put myself in that situation, I realized that you really have a very realistic understanding of male/female dynamics and behaviors.


I am quite happy and proud to say that I love being a woman and everything that that means to me. I love being able to create life and nurture it and experience the most incredible pleasure, all within the same body. I love being able to dress up and look good for my sweetheart, or just wear no makeup and be casual with him. I love sending him little cards and gifts just to tell him that I love him, or being there to offer him a glass of wine and a shoulder when he has had a rough day. I love shopping for beautiful outfits as much for my own pleasure as for his, and I love the feeling of his warmth next to me at night. And he appreciates it all and shows it in return.

So, to all the women out there who find my behavior and attitude offensive and weak (and I'm sure there are a few), all I have to say is that I just don't care. Maybe they need to open up their minds and hearts and stop denying their feminine sides, and then they will see just how much they receive in return when they give instead of holding back. Until that time I really believe that they are missing out on something truly wonderful.

In the meantime Doc, keep up the good work! Anyone who gives candid and honest advice on how to improve relationships (both single and married) is doing us all a HUGE service.


Karen - the non-politically correct "girly-girl"


Hi Karen,

It's refreshing to hear from a woman like you. You get an A plus in the attitude department and Randy is a very lucky guy.

To your credit, you've ignored the Feministas who have tried to convince women that they must compete with men and "beat them at their own game." But many of your sisters have been brainwashed and have become Amazon warriors, striving to outdo men and show them who's the better "man." Ironically, the further down that road they go, the more unhappy they become.

Men don't want to compete with women. They may be momentarily impressed with a gal who can ruthlessly kick butt and play 'hardball' harder than the best of the boys, but she's not the type they'd be drawn to have as the mother of their children. The enlightened woman, like you, Karen, knows that her true source of power is her femininity.

You know that as a woman you have choices in the way that you get what you want and need from the man in your life. A woman can try to control her man with criticism and nagging, or she can use her feminine grace to motivate him.

A woman does not give up her power when she is sweet and supportive. Rather, she empowers both her man and herself. A good woman makes her man feel like he's a better man than he knows he really is. And, when he's receiving that level of support and appreciation, he's happy to do what makes her happy. It's a win/win kind of a situation.

Also, what helps to make it all work so well for you, Karen, is that you are with a man who is mature enough to appreciate your giving nature without trying to take advantage. And, you both have mutually high romantic interest in each other.

To you men out there, Karen is the kind of gal you want to be with, someone who is a real giver.

Remember, guys, always pick a girl who is sweet and loving.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Copyright 2001 DocLove DotCom, Inc.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Fat Bashing...Do You Participate?

I had two sisters, was a dancer as my sport, became a dietitian which is a mostly female profession, only to become the mother of two teen girls who spend a lot of their time at a dance studio. You could say I've been around a lot of women.

One thing is for sure, when swimming in estrogen-infested waters, some women like to trash talk themselves in front of other women. I guess some call it "fat talk" and they even like to "discuss" other peoples bodies too. And it doesn't seem to matter what age the women are, even in their 40's they are spending time talking about physical appearance.

You know what fat talk sounds like, right?

"I had such a fun weekend but now I'm paying the price...my jeans are so tight." "I wish I could wear a swimsuit like you-but I would look like a beached whale."

Some women skip the fat talk and go straight to the pounds.

"I can't believe I gained 2 pounds on vacation!" "I have to lose 2 pounds by Friday."


Granted kids are walking around in leotards and such at the dance studio but some mothers like to comment on the teens bodies too. When my oldest daughter was going through puberty, her "thinner" body seemed to be a popular topic of conversation. And I'm asked occasionally if my other daughter (who is naturally a bit more curvacious) has "lost weight." I usually answer, "I don't think so-we don't have a scale in our house and she's not trying to."

Then there are the women who tend to talk about diets or dieting what seems like 24/7. They always know what the latest diet book is. They can tell you which celebrity women have gone on which diet without skipping a beat.

You know what I tend to do when women around me start bashing their bodies, pondering pounds, or dishing about dieting? I just walk away. I don't participate in it. I don't try to convert people to the "love your body" camp. I just walk away. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've been in that circle plenty of times before telling women, "you look great!" or sharing post baby weight gain stories.

I would like to think I've moved beyond this. There are more important things in life to talk about with your girlfriends. It's simply not good for women. This doesn't feed our hearts and souls to participate in fat talk and it's certainly not good for children who might be within earshot of this sadly socially acceptable body bashing.

If you feel the same way I do, then next time the women around you start talking the talk, boycott the bashing and just walk away or politely change the subject to something that truly matters. The truth is "fit and healthy" comes in all shapes and sizes and thank goodness we all look different.

source site: click here

hormonal changes? menopause driving you crazy or to drink? me too!
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Bad Marriages Take Health Toll on Women

Study Shows Marital Discord Hurts Women's Physical Health More Than Men's

By Bill Hendrick
WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

March 4, 2009 - Women in tense, strained marriages are more likely than men to suffer from mental problems like depression, but also dangerous physiological conditions, such as high blood pressure and obesity, a new study shows.

Strained marriages also cause depression in men, says study researcher Nancy Henry of the University of Utah.

But she says that men in such relationships, unlike women, aren't at increased risk of developing the physiological conditions of metabolic syndrome. Aside from having excess belly fat and elevated blood pressure, other characteristics of metabolic syndrome include elevated triglycerides, elevated blood sugar, and low levels of HDL "good" cholesterol.

If you have at least three of the five characteristics, you qualify as having metabolic syndrome, which is known to increase risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.

For the study, Henry and her colleagues recruited 276 couples married an average of two decades, in which men and women were between 40 and 70 years old. Participants filled out questionnaires that covered positives, such as emotional warmth and mutual support; and areas of tension, such as frequency of arguments and extent of disagreements over issues like sex, kids, and money.

Participants also had medical screening that included blood tests and measurements of blood pressure and waist circumference.

The researchers found:

  • Women reporting more marital strain were more likely to report depressive symptoms.
  • Women with marital strain had more metabolic syndrome symptoms.
  • Men in bad marriages reported depressive symptoms unrelated to any signs of metabolic syndrome.

Why Bad Marriages May Affect Women's Health

"Women seem to be more relationship oriented," says Henry, a doctoral student at the University of Utah who also works at the Veteran Affairs Salt Lake City Medical Center. "We know by research that women tend to base their self-concept on relationships, how they are doing, how things are going for them. And we think that's the reason we've shown that negative relationship issues seem to take a greater toll on women emotionally and physically."

Tim Smith, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Utah, tells WebMD that although bad marriages can contribute to depression in men, the physiological problems seem to show up only in women.

"It's not like men were not troubled in our study. But the results were clear that women in this situation were more likely to gain weight. Stress hormones facilitate depositing of intra-abdominal fat, so the stress might make them heavier, and also raise cholesterol," he says.

A large body of research shows that divorce is associated with coronary calcification in both men and women, but "in our data, it's clear that the association of stress and heart health is stronger in women," Smith says.

Viola Vaccarino, MD, PhD, director of the cardiovascular outcomes program at Emory University in Atlanta, tells WebMD that it's just as likely that metabolic syndrome difficulties cause depression, rather than the other way around.

"We can clearly say that people with depression are more likely to have a metabolic syndrome, and vice versa," she says. "People with depression may be more likely to develop metabolic syndrome due to lack of physical activity, or inability to choose a healthy diet. But this is the first time I have seen this gender difference, that depression can affect women more than men."

Henry and Smith are to present the study March 5 at the American Psychosomatic Society's annual meeting in Chicago.

Are Bad Marriages More Stressful for Women?

Henry says the gender difference they found is important because heart disease is the biggest killer of women, as well as men, and "we are still learning a lot about how relationship factors and emotional distress are related to heart disease."

Smith, who is heading a larger University of Utah study on the role of marriage quality in heart disease, says it's too soon to conclude that stress may make women more vulnerable to physical problems than men, but that's what this latest research suggests.

However, he adds, "it's a little premature to say they would lower their risk of heart disease if they improved the tone and quality of their marriages, or dumped their husbands."

Other studies, he says, are trying to determine whether improving marriage might boost the health of marital partners.

source site at Web MD: click here

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