I have feelings that are
very personal and very deep concerning violence and mental illness. I have experienced violence at the hands of substance
abuse, alcoholism and what I believe is just plain abusive dysfunctional behavior. So in light of this beginning I'd like
to let you know what I experienced and how I have realized it has taken an affect on my life.
Domestic violence has a generational trend in my family on both sides
- mother and father. I have seen what violence/abusive relationships can do to someone who is weak or timid or shy. I've seen
within my own family a denial of everything - domestic violence, alcoholism, substance abuse and mental illness.
Alcoholism has a generational trend on both sides of my family as well.
I also think that alcoholism and substance abuse are negative coping mechanisms that come from violence and abuse. Mental
illness might be the result of the equation if you're adding everything together.
I believe that mental illness was mostly on my mother's side of the family.
I believe that it came from the violence that was brought on by the abusive and dysfunctional men on both sides of the family.
I don't think that any of my relatives have had a healthy marriage relationship.
I watched my uncle beat
and kick, humiliate and intimidate and verbally and mentally abuse my cousins. He was always kind to me. Why? Is it always
irrational? Abuse/alcoholism and who you choose to abuse and who you choose to treat with total love and kindness? It has
never made much sense to me. It was a contributing factor in my own parenting - seeing my ex-husband be abusive to my own
children; I was held in that same frozen trance just as if I had traveled back in time.
My oldest daughter blames me for not protecting her. She is thirty-one
years old and she holds it against me still. She has told me that I'm the worst mother in the world because I didn't stop
him from slapping her across the face and accusing her of being a liar. I was wrong for not stopping it, yes, but at the time
I wasn't in the moment. I was abused as well. I was suffering from mental illness, domestic violence and even a tendency towards
alcoholism to cope with it all. I just called it "social drinking" as my own parents did.
What my genius IQ daughter refuses to acknowledge is that you can only
do what you know. I never knew normal. I knew abusive. I knew being stuck in that frozen state of "unreality" or "disbelief"
that it was all happening. I believe that if you are living with an abusive partner you become submissive and you lose your
I've concluded this from it all:
If you're involved with any kind of violence: have a mental health assessment.
If you've been experiencing domestic violence: have a mental health assessment.
If you've been self medicating with drugs or alcohol: have a mental health assessment
and an intervention.
Any or all of those factors could indicate a mental
illness. Combined they would almost surely add up to at least depression and anxiety. I would also add that all children
involved need to have a mental health evaluation. Kids pick up on what's going on and suffer depression, anxiety and often
times it's just the beginning of an eating disorder or their own self medicating habits with food, drugs or alcohol. They
get the behavior from watching their parents.
Whose fault is it? Why does that matter? Start being personally responsible and accountable for your own mental and physical health.
Don't live in the past and learn the importance of being aware and mindful while living in the present moment!