My Parents Don’t Understand
“I refuse to break up with my boyfriend.
My parents are being jerks about it, but it’s not my fault they don’t
understand who I am. I only came out last month, but they have really been treating me like crap. I’m 17 anyway, and it doesn’t really matter because I’ll be moving out soon. So, I’m just going
to play their little game until I move out.”
Seeing the Whole Picture
How many times have our parents upset us? How many times have
we hidden things from them, because we know it would be
just one more thing that would tick them off?
It seems that parents have a rule or a punishment for everything & we just can’t get a break. So, it only makes sense that
when life decisions come our way, they want to have some
input into what we decide for ourselves. But, how can parents
help us make decisions if they don’t even understand us!?
But, do we even understand ourselves?
Young people struggling with homosexuality &
other related issues have many conflicted thoughts about
their identities, particularly in the healthy acceptance of their gender. In the early stages of puberty when hormones start raging, there's some panic involved when we first realize that our feelings
aren’t directed at someone of the opposite-sex.
Heck, sometimes they seem to be directed at both
sexes equally. Accepting what we perceive to be reality
often takes time, but many people today are able to come
out & justify living out a homosexual or bisexual identity.
What many teenagers struggling with homosexuality
haven’t considered is that several factors create the dynamic that plays into the development of homosexual feelings. According to Chad W. Thompson, author & founder of Inqueery, several common influences appear in many people struggling with homosexuality.
They include:
Rejection by one’s same-gender
parents or peers (real or perceived lack of physical & emotional closeness with one’s same-sex parent, caregiver, or peers during the formative years
of development)
Sexual Molestation
Temperament (a child’s natural
inclination to be sensitive or artistic versus athletic or mechanical)
An abnormally close relationship with
one’s opposite-sex parent
Lack of identification with one’s
gender (having no sense of “belonging” to one’s gender)
Genetics
Not just one of these will result in
someone becoming homosexually attracted. Also, not all of these elements are present in every case. These usually occur in combination
- a combination that is different for each person.
At first, what parents don’t initially understand
& may not be willing to accept is that their role in your life
was/is an important factor in your homosexual attractions. We learn more about this dynamic by observing the stages of the child development process, as taught by Rev. John J. Smid, Executive Director of Love In Action:
Phases Steps
I. 0-2 years old -Surveys his/her world for significance,
safety, and attention
II. 2-6 years old -Seeks gender affirmation from
same-sex parent
Assesses whether or not it’s positive
to be his/her gender
If positive, child mimics behavior by those
of his/her gender
III. 6-12 years old -Attempts to walk in his/her
gender
Relates to other members of same-sex
IV. Puberty to Adulthood -Identifies with relationships/activities
reflecting his/her gender
In the beginning of life (0-2 years old), the child
is looking around trying to decide if he/she is safe: Is he/she
being protected from things that are harmful and intrusive to him/her?
The child also considers whether or not he/she is significant: Does he/she deserve someone to care for him?
Finally, the child needs to know that his/her presence makes a difference to the people in the room: Is he/she worth spending time with?
In the next four years of life (2-6 years old), the
child needs to realize that he/she is a girl or a boy. The same-sex
parent generally affirms this in the child. The child also assesses whether or not it’s ideal to be his or her gender.
If Daddy’s always mad & never spends time
with his son, the son is more likely to conclude that being
a man is unfavorable. If the primary same-sex person in the child’s life (usually the parent) does affirm the child & provide a positive
image of the child’s gender, the child will begin to mimic the behavior of his/her gender.
During the stages just before puberty (6-12 years
old), the child attempts to walk in his/her gender by relating
to others of the same gender. During recess, a boy might throw rocks or shoot basketball while being rowdy with a group of his male friends, while a girl might pick buttercups & braid her friend’s
hair, while talking about how silly boys are for throwing
rocks.
From puberty to adulthood, the adolescent begins
to solidly identify with relationships/activities that reflect
the nature of his gender. A healthy girl might have her mother help her plan a slumber party while her mom makes cookies & breakfast for everyone.
The mother models her feminine role & the girl
is affirmed of who she is by the sister-like relationships
she forms with other females. For men, a healthy guy might
call a group of his guy friends and play videogames with his buddies. In such a situation, he exerts a masculine trait of taking initiative, and his friends affirm this masculinity by coming and enjoying
themselves.
Regardless of what the actual activity is, there
is ideally a sense of camaraderie between the members of
the group. The key thing to remember is that men become men in the company of men; women become women in the company of other women.
In light of these phases of development, we see that
parents play an integral role in shaping our opinions about
who we are as people and as our gender. Without having a positive view of what is ahead of us as men or women, we detach and stray from the healthy flow of development.
In doing so, we feel ashamed and inferior about our gender. For men, some of these conclusions might sound like, “I’m
weak. I am a sissy. I am inferior to healthy men.”
For women, the thoughts might be, “Being vulnerable will get me hurt. People will take advantage of me if I don’t let them know how strong and tough I am.”
These shame-rooted mindsets are typically those that can transition into homosexual attraction and acting out.
The Words, “I’m Gay:” a Parent’s
Worst Nightmare
When many parents find out their child struggles
with homosexuality, there are many initial thoughts that go
through their minds: What could I have done differently?
Why am I such a horrible parent? Why didn’t I see
this sooner? What can I do now to turn my kid’s life around? I will never understand my child!
What is hard to accept is that we don’t always
understand ourselves, either. A guy in the process of overcoming
homosexuality remembers arguing with his parents about his decision to pursue the gay lifestyle:
I struggled with these feelings for as long as I
could remember, but growing up in my small town made it
impossible for me to come out at my school. After several relationships and finding acceptance in the gay community at my summer job for the first time in my life, I was ready to come out to my parents. I remember trying to argue with the articles
and books my mother asked me to read, and not being able
to back up what I was saying without contradicting myself.
Nevertheless, I went ahead and looked for inappropriate
relationships at college, but I finally came to terms with
the fact that I was pursuing a lifestyle that I never even understood to begin with.
Of course parents can’t fully understand homosexuality
as we have experienced its effects in our own lives. They
probably only know of neighbors or co-workers who struggle with the issue. While the issue was everyone else’s problem but your parents’ before, it is now sleeping in their upstairs bedroom.
They probably know someone or have heard of someone who
has died of AIDS who was in the homosexual lifestyle, and
fear that this could be your reality in the future, as well.
The fear that their child may face a life-threatening situation later on in life only prompts them to make
a last attempt to change you, which may be why you were
brought here. Parents desperately want several things for their child:
To know that their child is safe.
To know their child wants to keep the
door open for them to continue loving him/her.
To see the fruits of their child’s
healthy choices.
To know that their role as parents has
made a positive, permanent difference.
To believe that their child could live
a productive life without their help.
What choices have you made that have placed a barrier
between you and them as they relate to the above points?
Cutting the Parents Some Slack
Before we slam our parents anymore for not understanding
who we are and what we want, we must realize who they are
and what they want as well. Do we really even know? Until we can learn to respect our parents, they will have a much harder time respecting us. Parents are interested in seeing their
children become the very best they can be in whatever circumstance,
and are willing to bend over backwards to make that happen.
Rewind
1. Describe how your father influenced your early
childhood, and determine 3 conclusions you have made about
your gender based on his role in your life.
2. Describe how your mother influenced your early
childhood, and determine 3 conclusions you have made about
your gender based on her role in your life.
3. Describe a time when you successfully interacted
with a group of same-sex peers during your childhood.
4. Reflecting on the list of desires parents have
for their children’s lives, describe a time when your parents
made you do something you didn’t want to do. Which of these desires were your parents communicating by asking you to do what you didn’t want to do?
5. Make a list of ten positive experiences you have
had with each of your parents during your lifetime:
Father:
Mother:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
1 1
A Misdirected Love: Same-Sex Relationships
“Troy was very charming when we were together.
He bought me a stuffed animal and cologne, and was always
excited when I would call him on the phone. Not to mention, I thought he was very attractive.
Every time we would have an argument, though, he
would start blaming me for everything and threaten to leave
me. I was so desperate to keep the relationship that I eventually was willing to do whatever he even hinted at wanting, so I wouldn’t lose his affection. When he finally decided to move on, I
was devastated about how much I had invested in the relationship.”
At some point, the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend
is something most teenagers eventually desire. We survey
those around us to find someone who is stylish, fun, interesting, exciting, adventurous, and likes many of the same things we do. When we finally find someone with most of the qualities we find attractive, it’s only natural that we put much of our hope in the
relationship. We think things like, “With this person,
my needs will be met,” or, “As long as I have this person in my life, everything will be OK.” But, what happens when there’s a bump in the road, or the relationship
ends?
As teenagers growing up in a country of pop culture
and extremely sexual messages transmitted through the media,
it is important to know where sexually promiscuous and immoral relationships can lead.
Sexual immorality is biblically addressed in the
following passages:
I Thessalonians 4:3-6 (NIV) “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in
a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust
like heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter
no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”
Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Romans 1:24-27 (NIV) “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”
I Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV) “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
Quick Check-In:
1. How do you feel about having to give up a same-sex
relationship or the hope of ever having one?
Sexual immorality not only has spiritual consequences,
but physical, as well. In Youth and HIV/AIDS 2000: A
New American Agenda, it is reported that, “Young Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 are still contracting HIV at the rate of 2 per hour,” and also that, “Half of all new infections are
thought to occur in people under 25.”
Not only is HIV a threat to people who engage in
sexually immoral, promiscuous behavior, but also other STDs.
The American Social Health Association has found that, “Every year 3 million teens - about 1 in 4 sexually active teens - get a sexually transmitted disease (STD).”
Many sexually transmitted diseases are treatable/curable, but others provide more desperate circumstances when seeking treatment. Currently, there is still no cure for AIDS, and very
few effective means of treating the disease. Furthermore,
there are around 9 million new cases of STDs among youth every year, according to the American Social Health Association.
The consequences of promiscuous sex outside of marriage
are real and evident in every statistical gathering available.
People seeking true love in same-sex and other immoral
relationships are determined to find a partner
who is committed to them emotionally and physically.
A natural hope of every relationship is that it will be
lasting and fulfilling. Marriage between a man and
a woman is the only love-relationship in the Bible that
God promises will receive his blessing and be fruitful.
Frank Worthen, in Helping People Step Out of
Homosexuality, discusses three Biblical requirements for marriage:
�� Marriage
is between a man and a woman (Genesis 1:27, MSG)
God created human beings; he created them godlike,
Reflecting God's nature. He created them
male and female.
�� Marriage
involves a sexual relationship (Genesis 1:28a)
And God blessed them and said to them, “Be
fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth.”
�� Marriage
requires a lifetime commitment (Matthew 19:3-8, MSG)
One day the Pharisees were badgering him: "Is it
legal for a man to divorce his wife for any
reason?" He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible
that the Creator originally made man and
woman for each other, male and female? And because
of this, a man leaves father and mother
and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh--no
longer two bodies but one. Because God
created this organic union of the two sexes, no one
should desecrate his art by cutting them
apart. "They shot back in rebuttal, "If that's so,
why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers
and divorce procedures?" Jesus said, "Moses provided
for divorce as a concession to your
hardheartedness, but it is not part of God's original
plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and
holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your
faithful wife and then marry someone else. I
make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed
adultery."
Worthen continues by saying, “If only one or
two of these elements are present, there is a distortion of
God’s plan.” He provides some examples:
�� Two
men in a sexual relationship with a lifetime commitment
�� A
man and a woman in a sexual relationship without a commitment (outside of marriage)
�� A
man and a woman in a lifetime commitment without a sexual relationship. (If the situation exists
due to events beyond the couple’s control,
there should be no guilt. However, if both parties are
healthy, Scripture instructs a couple not to abstain
from a sexual relationship for any extended
time.
1 3
Therefore, we see that there is not biblical support
for same-sex relationships or relationships where a loyal
lifetime commitment or an appropriate sexual relationship
is not present. All three of these are ultimately
missing in same-sex relationships.
Rewind <<
1. Have you ever engaged in a same-sex relationship?
If so, what were the pros of the relationship?
What were the cons of the relationship?
2. What are some of the consequences you have faced
as a result of sexual relationships outside of
marriage?
3. Do you believe marriage should be strictly between
a man and a woman? Why or why not?
4. What is the longest-lasting homosexual relationship
you know of? Describe the relationship. How
do you feel about this?
5. What is the longest-lasting heterosexual relationship
you know of? Describe the relationship. How
do you feel about this?
6. Has your conviction about sexually immoral relationships
changed? Why or why not?
1 4
An Eyeful: Pornography
“At 17, I discovered a way to access pornography
easily, secretly, and for free. The images I began to
view seemed to fill a void in my life, particularly
the images of men. I felt intrigued, excited, and fulfilled as
I looked at the images. As time passed and stresses
grew in my life, my use of pornography became
much more frequent. For about three years I fed my
mind with such inappropriate material, masturbation,
and fantasy.”
What does looking at pornography really accomplish?
Pornography is often thought of as an adult venture—something
many young boys find in their dad’s
closet or dresser drawer. Pornography is also thought
of as a man’s problem, which is not the case.
Women struggle with pornography, too. As a multi-billion
dollar industry in the United States, the
pornography business has made the selling of this
sexual medium as easy as selling cigarettes for the bigtobacco
industry—probably easier, actually.
The pornography industry is only becoming more popular,
providing free, easy access to the images it
produces. Combined with sexually curious, computer-savvy
teenagers, the industry has immeasurable
power to groom a new generation of subscribers: your
generation.
Quick Check-In:
1. Have you ever looked at pornography? Of the same
sex? Of the opposite sex? How did you
feel before, during, and after looking at pornography?
A clever observation about men and women is that
“men build buildings; women build relationships,”
according to Rev. John J. Smid, executive director
of Love In Action, International. Men naturally enjoy
being valued for what they do, while women enjoy
being valued for who they are. This plays out
interestingly in each gender’s pursuit of pornography:
“Men tend to give intimacy in order to get sex,”
says psychologist Dr. James Dobson, “and women
tend to give sex in order to get intimacy.”
Pornography among youth is particularly dangerous,
as young adults are shaping their opinions of
themselves and their world. When looking at pornography,
the temporary fantasy is created as such that
the viewer imagines that he/she is actually participating
in what he or she is seeing. For a brief span of
time, the viewer is entirely consumed by what he
or she is seeing to the point of forgetting about reality.
Therefore, men with homosexual attraction will subconsciously
reinforce their masculine insecurities that
all other men are superior to them— that other
men are in control, their physique is ideal, and they are doing
whatever they please. For women struggling with homosexuality, the experience yields to hopelessness and a warped sense of intimacy that the woman is convinced she can’t and won’t
find in real life.
The female pornography viewer will conclude that
real-life intimacy is unattainable and not worth
the effort. For both male and female, the illusions of power, control, and
intimacy are shattered at the moment the sexual
high is over.
Viewers are shocked back to reality: the details
of their own lives have all but changed.
Quick Check-In:
1. What are your three most prominent feelings while
viewing pornographic material? Explain each, using, “I
feel…about…because.”
I Think I’m Addicted
Not all people who have looked at pornography in
their lives have become addicted; for many, it’s something
to medicate the hurts of life away when nothing else will seem to work. For others, viewing pornography is something to which several hours are devoted during a single sitting. There are several
indicators that determine whether or not you might be addicted
to viewing pornography.
You may be addicted to internet pornography if…
1. You have a special folder on your computer in
which you store inappropriate sexual images.
2. You don’t feel fulfilled unless you look
at something sexually inappropriate once a day.
3. You have looked at pornography for hours at a
time in one sitting.
4. You prolong orgasm during masturbation to continue
looking for something “better.”
5. You feel as though you can’t stop looking
at pornography while viewing it.
6. You decline to take part in other activities in
your life so you can view pornography.
Quick Check-In:
1. Which of the above indicators of pornography addiction
can you relate to?
2. Have you ever considered that you might be addicted
to pornography? Explain.
One Last Look
In Coming Out
Of Homosexuality, Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel say that, “An important step in gaining victory [over pornography], as with masturbation and other sex-related
habits, is to identify your triggers and develop prevention
strategies.” As drastic as it may sound, these are some effective tactics to prevent viewing pornography:
�� Move
any computers to a public area of the home, to provide parental accountability.
�� With
accountability, cancel subscriptions you may have to pornographic websites or other
providers of inappropriate material. You may want
to even cancel the e-mail account.
�� Use
the password function on your computer, so someone else must sign you on before you can
get use the computer.
�� Limit
your time so you have just enough to check your e-mail. Do any other research at school,
and call your friends instead of using instant messaging
applications.
16
Refuge The Perfect Life?
International By Brooke Iverson ● ● ●
I had the perfect family. I had the
perfect life. I had everything I wanted. So,
how and why did I become involved in the
homosexual lifestyle?
Both of my parents were very loving and
good Christian people. We were jokingly
referred to as the “Beaver Cleaver family”.
I
grew up spending most of my time with my
father and brother, where I developed a love
of the outdoors and physical activities.
Instead of playing with dolls and
dress-up, I played with G.I. Joe and
wrestled. I was also always shy and
timid, leaving plenty of room for
many kids to tease and make fun
of me. I never could seem to find a
place to fit in and always felt
different and awkward.
As I began to grow older,
adolescence was a nightmare for
me. I struggled with sexual sin
during this time while fantasizing
and acting out with myself. This only added
fuel to the fire of feeling different and not
fitting in. All the girls my age were beginning
to wear makeup and talk about boys when
all I wanted to do was ride four-wheelers and
go hunting with my dad. I was terrified to
meet new people and struggled everyday
with fear and anxiety. On top of my peer
struggles, my parents didn’t know how to
deal with my depression, so our conversations
often ended with anger from both sides. With
the intense confusion at school and at home,
I learned to shut down emotionally and
hoped these feelings would just go away.
During my 8th grade year, I decided to
take a chance and try out for the high school
softball team. I had always been interested in
sports, but because of my lack of self esteem
I never felt capable of succeeding at
anything. To my surprise I was chosen. My
involvement with the team had both a
positive and negative effect on my life. Most
of the girls on the team were involved in
drinking, drugs, and promiscuous sex, but
being good at something helped me open
up and feel more worthwhile. I was the
youngest on the team and looked up to
them very much. They all very quickly liked
and accepted me. Desiring their approval, I
began to act and behave the way they did. I
was very curious about what it was like to
lead that kind of lifestyle. So, I began to
experiment with alcohol and found
acceptance in the party scene. This choice
started me down a long path of addictions.
I had a difficult time finding my place as a
woman and never had any kind of
romantic involvement with guys.
The opposite was true—I had
plenty of guy friends and felt much
more comfortable trying to be like
them instead of being like my
female friends. In addition, guys
never showed an interest in me, so
I began to fantasize about women.
The beginning of my senior year
I became attracted towards a
teammate of mine. She was wild,
crazy, popular, attractive, and everything
else I thought I lacked. I began to secretly
fantasize about her and wanted to spend
every free second I had with her. During our
relationship I hid my desire to be sexually
close to her because I was afraid she would
reject me. I thought that fantasizing about
the relationship was okay, however. As long
as no one knew about my fantasizing, I
thought there was no harm in it. Although our
relationship never became physical, we were
still extremely enmeshed. I would do
whatever she asked me to do. I was getting
drunk almost every weekend and slowly
began to experiment with drugs. Soon
enough, the relationship turned bad because
she didn’t give me all the attention I desired,
so I began to look for it in other places.
My freshman year in college brought me
freedom from the control of my parents, and I
began to explore the world. While in college,
I spent most of my time outside of class and
work abusing alcohol and drugs. Once
again, I found a sense of acceptance. When
I was intoxicated, I had no fear, no anxiety,
and no trouble making friends. Even more, I
17
noticed that my attraction to women began
to increase. I was fascinated—but still afraid—
of the lesbians I knew on campus. I became
very interested in female musicians and
obsessed about
their lives. Most of
them were openly
involved some way
in the homosexual
lifestyle. I was very
interested, but was
too ashamed and scared of what people
would think. So once again, I decided to
keep my feelings to myself.
For my sophomore year in college I
transferred to Mississippi State University and
found even more freedom. I began to drink
every night and heavily abuse marijuana,
ecstasy, LSD, prescription drugs, cocaine and
opiates. I found it much more exciting to
cope within a fantasy, rather than deal with
my ever-present feelings of insignificance and
worthlessness.
I found a bar that became my home
away from home. There, I met people from all
different backgrounds and beliefs. I met a
group of women in the homosexual lifestyle
and immediately became a part of their
group. We would take off and leave town for
days to attend concerts and shows. I was
able to see the female musicians who I had
been so obsessed with perform live. It was so
exciting to me! I had a “family” who
would let
me be whoever I wanted to be and not
question whether it was right or wrong.
My relationship with my real family
became increasingly distant. I had to lie more
to cover up my sin and keep their financial
support. They soon found out about my drug
and alcohol abuse because I had flunked an
entire semester of classes. But, they weren’t
aware at the time of my same sex struggles.
They cut me off financially, so I cut them off
emotionally, and I didn’t care what people
thought anymore. I had found my place in
the world. I knew who I was.
Up to this point I had not been physically
involved with a woman, but was soon
approached by the partner of a close friend
of mine. I was thrilled to be wanted by
someone so talented, attractive, and
popular. We soon became involved
emotionally and physically. I became
consumed with her and we were “in love”
after the first few days of being together.
Instead of feeling
different and weird, I
felt unique and
interesting. The
people I hung out
with were all
thrilled—and not
surprised at all—about my coming out. Their
acceptance affirmed and encouraged me
to pursue it even more. My fairy tale soon
ended when my partner decided to move to
another part of the country. My heart was
broken and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Not only did I have to grieve the loss of her, I
also had to face the reality of all the bad
choices I had been making in my life. It was
overwhelming, so I chose to ignore it. I
became even more involved with drugs and
alcohol. I spent all my money on my
addictions and soon had to steal from my
employer to survive. I lived for my next high
and my next sexual encounter. Again, I
desperately wanted someone to go home to
every night.
Over the next couple of years I settled for whatever kind of relationship I could find. During this time I had two very emotional and physically abusive partners. I was completely miserable
and continued to cover those feelings with drugs and alcohol.
I wanted something better but couldn’t let go because
of my extreme fear of being alone.
I was finally convinced that if I found “the
one” everything would change and I would spend my life living happily ever after. I thought all of my problems had come to an end when I met my final partner. She was funny, smart,
beautiful, and she liked me! I had no problem leaving my
other partner of 8 months to be with the woman that I thought
could be “the one.” Our story started out as
a fairy tale. We were obsessed with each other, and our personalities clicked. I hadn’t experienced this with anyone in a very long time.
We began to make plans for the future. We wanted a home, children, and for our families to accept us. Even though I I
thought all of my problems had come to an end when I met my final partner. desperately wanted these things, I knew deep
down inside it could never happen. This conflict I had inside
drove me to my old patterns of drinking and drugs. My partner
also fell into old patterns and began to be unfaithful to me. I was crushed that the one person I poured my heart and soul into could repeatedly wound me so deeply. But, I could not walk
away from her. I was often the one begging for her forgiveness
after being told of encounters she had with someone else.
This led to a horrible and confusing cycle of lying,
jealousy, rage, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and the list could go on. During
one of our many breakups I was on my way to my apartment from a bar when I was pulled over and charged with a DUI, reckless driving, and possession of drugs and
drug paraphernalia. I came to a wall in my life and had
no where else to go except home.
My parents graciously opened up their lives to me again and I saw this as a positive thing, even though I was far from being ready to give up my sin. I had a chance to get sober and
back on my feet. I soon felt I was ready to be back in the
world and was now able to be the kind of person I needed
to be.
I moved in with my partner yet again and we had the home we had so often talked of. I had a good job, a nice car, a loving relationship,
and I was even back in school.
So, why was I hurting so much inside? I soon began to fall back into my old habits of drinking and drugs. This once again started the same old pattern of me getting drunk and stoned
every night, giving my partner an excuse to cheat on me
every opportunity she could.
Finally, I was so hurt and humiliated when she began to bring people to our house that I moved out of our “perfect home.” I was ready to move on in my life, but couldn’t because
I was so emotionally dependent on her. There was nothing
she could do to drive me away…I was determined to
be with her still.
On February 15th
of 2005, God finally opened my eyes
and allowed me to see how horrible my life had been. My
partner and I had been making one last attempt to salvage our relationship when she told me of her sexual involvement with her former partner.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take
the lies, deceit, anger, and pain that I had been trying
to push down for years. There was too much of it and I couldn’t make it go away anymore.
Alcohol, drugs, sex, people, my nice home, my new car, my
good job, my good grades, my parents…It was time to admit that all these things still didn’t complete
me. I fell on my face in my apartment and cried out to God to forgive me and
help me with all of my addictions.
I didn’t know how to begin to change and deal
with all my problems but God had a plan. On the advice of a counselor and good friend
of mine, I decided to come to Love In Action. Through the
program I learned so much about myself. In my years
of pursuing sin, I had lost who I am and had no idea what
I even thought or felt. I didn’t know how to get all the junk that had built up inside of me out.
I have learned that it is so important to express how I feel and that what I think really matters. I also know now how amazing
it is to be a woman. God created me to be strong and used
by Him, not to be weak and beneath everyone else. I have
an incredible purpose as the daughter of the King of the
Universe! The most important thing I’ve learned at Love In Action is that God has such a powerful and unconditional love for me. His hand has been on my life even in my darkest
of moments. I’ll never be perfect and He doesn’t
expect me to be. He wants me just like I am.
It’s exciting to see the changes I have made and how it’s evident inside and out. For the first time in my life I have hope for a better future. I take more pride in being feminine than
I ever have and hope that God will allow me to be a wife
and a mother someday. I know that He sent His Son to give
me abundant life, and I trust His promises that He’ll always provide for me. Giving up my past is an everyday sacrifice, and is not always easy, but I am striving to live a life pleasing
to my heavenly Father. I want to hear His words “well
done my good and faithful servant” on the day I see
Him face to face.
Copyright © 2005 Brooke Iverson, Distributed
by Love In Action, International.
